From our science correspondent Fizz Hicks
Noah’s Flood and the Egyptians hit the shelves in 1987, Q. Laureate Bandersnatch has been one of the most influential figures in “alternative” science since William Paley picked up a watch on a hillside and pronounced it as indisputable proof of God’s existence.
Bandersnatch’s chosen discipline, the pyramids of Egypt, has yielded huge opportunities for the outspoken professor, and led to both praise and criticism from his contemporaries. Fred Hoyle described him as “the greatest genius of our age,” while Richard Dawkins said he was “batshit insane. And don’t even get me started on that lunatic, Hoyle.”
Bandersnatch’s work has led him to tie in the mystery of the pyramids with a number of phenomena - the legend of Moby Dick, which he proved to be true after the discovery in 1979 of a pyramid belonging to the previously considered “mythical figure” of Captain Ahab. Later, he explained how Noah’s Flood ravaged the pyramids - pointing to physical anomalies that mean we should expect to find no evidence of the Flood ever having happened anywhere near the pyramids - and explained how the “new” American religion of Mormonism was actually an Egyptian concept, and Joseph Smith a descendant of Tutankhamen.
In 1999, using complicated mathematical concepts and an elaborate system of mirrors, Bandersnatch demonstrated that the Earth, long thought by heretical scientists to be rounded in shape, could not be the spheroid of Galilean mythology. In fact, he postulated, the Earth is pyramidal in shape.
The publication of Bandersnatch’s book, The Pyramid Paradigm, in 1999 coincided with his founding of the International Pyramid Earth Society, an organization dedicated to distributing the truth throughout the world in favour of the round-earth myth advocated by so-called “scientists.” There is even talk of schoolchildren in the state of Kansas, USA, being taught both “theories” equally. In the book Bandersnatch provides overwhelming, incontrovertible evidence that the pyramids were built by the Egyptians as a manifestation of the shape of the Earth, in an attempt to demonstrate their wisdom to the neighbouring Hittites. Unfortunately the Hittites were less than amused and the move resulted in a bloody conflict that caused all documentation concerning the true shape of the Earth to be destroyed.
Professor Bandersnatch worked at the David Icke Institute of Crawford, Texas for nearly twenty years, and lectured to literally thousands of students on his groundbreaking work in the fields of pyramidology, geology, geometry and history there and with his previous employers, the Institute for Creation Research and the University of the North-West Passage.
A skydiving accident in 1998 left Professor Bandersnatch with just one fully functioning eye and no teeth, but his brain was thankfully undamaged in the incident and he was still able to carry on with his incredible work.
Although Bandersnatch's controversial work was never truly accepted by his colleagues in the scientific community, he remains a testament to those of us who have had a crazy idea once in a while: it may, actually, turn out to be right.
His weren't, though.
