Editorial: Could Gordon Brown Kill The Countryside?

From our guest contributor, Isaac Rettin

As the New Labour leadership coronation looms ever closer, with Gordon Brown looking ever more likely to be crowned Prime Minister, we, as staunch defenders of Britain's rural heritage, must ask: "Could Gordon Brown Kill The Countryside?"

His green taxes could prevent us from driving our Jeeps all the way into the city where we do our financial-sector-based jobs. They could prevent us from taking our expensive holidays in Barbados, with a quick stop-over in New Zealand on the way. Not only that, but they could prevent us from mindlessly polluting the planet, confident in the knowledge that our grandchildren will have the technology and the intellect to clear it all up afterwards.

The Countryside is a reflection of what it is to be British. Playing cricket on warm summer afternoons (I personally heard a rumour that Mr. Brown bats for the other side, if you know what I mean), shooting randomly at any passing animal we care to label "vermin" (although we have recently been oppressed by the interfering government who have ruled that Romanian fruit pickers are not vermin after all), and, of course, sipping Pimm's while commenting on how wonderful it is to be able to commute in and out of that cesspit of a City every day, rather than having to live there with all the smelly working-class people.

In conclusion, yes, Gordon Brown could destroy the countryside. And it is our duty, as proud, ordinary British people, to stop him. By voting for UKIP.

Isaac Rettin is an unpleasant old man, and, by coincidence, the Senior Communications Officer of the Countryside Alliance, a pressure group composed almost entirely of unpleasant old men and women with the intention of keeping the historic inhabitants of the countryside poor and destitute while using the land for their own sadistic purposes.

DISCLAIMER: This article is in no way endorsed by the Countryside Alliance or any other organisation of toffee-nosed bastards. Furthermore, the headline for the editorial was in no way nicked from the Daily Mail-o-matic. At all. Honest.