CUMBRIA - Virgin Trains tycoon Richard Branson has denied that his company was in any way responsible for the train crash in Cumbria on Friday evening that killed one person and injured several others.
In a statement to the media, Branson said, "It weren't me, guv."
Sources close to the entrepreneur suggested that Branson was instead blaming Network Rail, for failing to ensure a set of points blamed for causing the crash were working properly.
A spokesperson for Network Rail said to the media today, "It weren't me, guv."
It is believed that Network Rail are blaming local farmers, Jean & Eric Yokell, over whose land the railway line runs, for failing to notice that the set of points in question were not functioning correctly.
The Yokells told our reporter earlier, "Oi carrrrrrrrn't 'ellllp eet eeeef eet arrrrrrrn't workaaaaan'," which was translated by a passing interpreter as "It weren't me, guv."
The Yokells have also been translated as saying to other media organisations, "God works in mysterious ways."
Mr. God was unavailable for comment.
A buck just before it was passed, yesterday
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